STARSHIP OF FOOLS - (C) 1986 Jerry Kindall and Rex Crossley

CHAPTER TWELVE

"I always had a repulsive sort of need to be something more than human."
                                                       - David Bowie

     "BHUJM!"
     Bhujm appeared at Jordann's side.  "Yes, m'lord?"
     "Look at that."  Jordann waved a pudgy finger at his viewscreen,
which was, at the moment, blank.
     "Look at what, m'lord?"
     "The viewscreen!"
     "The viewscreen is blank, m'lord.  Perhaps if you turn it on..."
     "It IS on!" thundered Jordann.  "This is a picture of Sai-Ko's
quarters.  The camera has been damaged.  I want you to get a tech on it
right away."
     "Yes, m'lord.  Is that all?"
     "No.  I want a new entertainment module installed in his room.  He
destroyed that twenty minutes ago."
     "Yes, m'lord."
     "Well, get on with it!"
     Bhujm disappeared.
     Jordann turned his attention to the viewscreen once again. 
"Gruell!"
     Gruell appeared on the viewscreen.  "Yes, m'lard."
     "How is our secret device going?"  He winked grotesquely.
     "Already installed.  We're working on upgrading some old scanners I
found in storage now."
     "What for?"
     "Don't be stupid, pickle-face.  If we're going to be traveling at
the intense speeds that my machine will be moving us, we're going to
need better scanners to locate the Glorkwinkle."
     "Hmmm," mused Jordann thoughtfully.  "They're old scanners?  You
must be upgrading them extensively."
     "Of course.  I'm a genius.  We'll be able to scan whole parsecs in
seconds as we pass through them.  Since the Afterburner runs on our
normal exhaust, we'll be almost entirely invisible to the nerds. 
Without these modified scanners we'd both be flying around not seeing
each other.  These new ones will enable us to fight a successful battle.
 That's how much better the scanners are, hippo hips."
     Jordann, having been so wrapped up in what Gruell was saying, had
accidently shoved his pickle up his nose.  "BHUJM!" he sneezed.
     Bhujm materialized beside him.  "Yes, m'lord?"
     "I didn't mean to summon you; it was an accident," Jordann said.
     "What?" a confused Bhujm said.
     "What he's saying, rat face, is that he sneezed your name all over
the viewscreen," said Gruell in disgust as his image faded.
     "Oh," Bhujm said.  He didn't know whether to be embarrassed or
disgusted, so he decided to be both.
     "You are excused," said Jordann as he wiped his face off on a
passing servant.
     "Thank you, m'lord," said Bhujm gratefully, and disappeared.
     The other five servants watched as the one Jordann had wiped his
face on showed off his new attire.  They all looked hopefully at
Jordann.
     Jordann sighed.  The servants could be so tedious at times.  "Go
ahead, clean this mess up."  The servants screamed at the top of their
lungs with pleasure and set about their task.
     Jordann turned to the viewscreen and tuned it to Sai-Ko's room.  He
was pleased to see that the camera had been repaired.  His nephew was
busy throwing hand grenades and shuriken at a group of technicians
huddled behind the pile of servants who had brought Sai-Ko his lunch
earlier that day.
     Sai-Ko himself was a handsome man who would have passed for human
if it weren't for his long, floppy ears.  He had long hair, a clean
face, and light steel-gray eyes.  His attire consisted of weapons,
weapons, and more weapons.  It was impossible to tell what kind of
clothing he wore underneath.
     The non-functional communications module was surrounded by dead
technicians and a multitude of daggers and axes.  Jordann chuckled to
himself as Sai-Ko produced a missile launcher and wiped out the
remaining techs.
     Sai-Ko pointed the missile launcher at the camera and fired.  The
screen went blank.  Jordann frowned.  That had seemed almost deliberate.
     "Let's get moving," said Jordann into the viewscreen, and switched
it to forward exterior view.  He hoped Gruell got those scanners
installed soon.
     The stars parted as the ship left its orbit and started its journey
to Oorlon.
